Taking Myself Too Seriously ...

(The Incredibly Tortuous Journey Towards Opening Something As Simple As a Blog.)

I had never understood the idea of blogs. Online diaries? I mean come on, diaries are supposed to be personal!

Actually, I like snooping around people’s diaries when I can, so the idea is supposed to excite me but honestly people, aren’t diaries supposed to be about the innermost? The things we can’t possibly tell other people, those things that make us human, the secret mistakes, the pains, the unholy delights, all that stuff – and who would really, really share all that juicy stuff on … the Internet?!

It’s like the whole reality she-bang, which really is just a sham, because all we get is ‘coached’ reality. The Simple Life for instance? Does Paris really think we are so dumb we can’t see all those pranks are planned to the teeth? Or all of that grandstanding on Celebrity Big Brother in the UK (and then of course, the ‘victim’ of racism finally won, of course!)? No one gives us any ‘reality’ once the cameras are on!

So back to blogs: how many people actually read the things you have to say? With all the magazines and newspapers and books and websites (I just spent three days reading one Vanity Fair!), how many people can actually take you seriously enough to read about your everyday life, like, everyday? And why would anyone take themselves that seriously to think other people would want to read them that frequently – even if they are close friends?

So for months, I have simply dismissed the idea. Also because I knew if I ever decided to blog it would be blogging in the real sense of it, not any of all that hard work that I see my friends doing. Whoa, some people’s blogs are l-o-a-d-e-d! All the work that Wole Oguntokun (laspapi), Tolu Ogunlesi (Some long name I can’t repeat here), Bella Naija and Molara Wood put into their blogs? So I didn’t want to jump in with the delightfully shallow and then look … well, shallow!

Even if I finally decided to do the shallow online diary (which I am finally doing, thank you very much!), I have never had a good record with diaries. Which is very surprising because I would think myself – I who likes to talk to myself – a diary person. But every time I have started, I have given up after a few days. I would forget to put entries some days, other times I would have too much to say, or I would simply lose the diary. I tried to start one on my computer, and … well, my former laptop packed up with it all and I never had the heart to start again.

The reason for the failure is simple really. Diaries are for the future, and I am not a ‘future’ person, sorry. I am one for the present. An interviewer once asked me: ‘Are you doing all these things now because you want to put your name in history for future generations?” And I promptly answered, “I am not doing anything for future generations, no. That would be an unintended consequence. I am doing all these things because I WANT to do them, because they make me HAPPY, because I feel fulfilled this way, because I want to be a force to reckon with in MY generation – in the NOW. Period. It’s nothing about the future.” She laughed – said something like “you’re one funny guy”, but, even though I joined in her laughter, I wasn’t joking.

So going through all that trouble doing something that would have no relevance until some indeterminate time in the future?? (Sigh).


I'm here for the NOW, people!


I have always told myself I might regret this, in like 20 years, when I decide to write some kind of autobiography and have no material, especially since I am not good with memories (a lot of what happened in primary school I can’t really remember), but really … I mean, really!

The reasons pile. I’ve been able to avoid for the past one year, really feeling passionate about some of the ills in Nigeria’s politics especially. I can really get emotional about this stuff (tear-jacking emotion about, say, Peter Obi being impeached I tell you!) and I am sure that has to be unhealthy. But I know that having a blog to vent will do just that – make me vent!

This is especially because I am afraid that when I do start writing, I won’t be able to stop! I will want to talk about what’s happening in Oyo, what’s happening in Anambra, what’s happening in the national assembly, what’s happening at the Aviation ministry, the madness of Maurice Iwu, the incompetence of Sunday Ehindero, the small-mindedness of Mr. President … every friggin boring thingie!

So I had good enough reasons, yet with each fantastic log entry I read, and as more people began to open web logs, the idea lured me stronger. I mean, even my former boss, Funmi Iyanda has a blog! Even a Governor, Donald Duke, couldn’t resist the temptation! So what do I think I am?!

But that wasn’t all that convinced me to change my mind. Another reason is, I am going to be bored in the next few months, I know. I brought it upon myself actually; because whilst other sane people like fellow student Temitayo Etomi (www.projectvotenigeria.org) chose to do Law School in Lagos, I decided I had had enough of the Lagos craze and interviewing celebrities with over-sized egos and wanted to go somewhere quiet. I am enjoying the paced life don’t doubt me, but it still can get boring for someone like me. Plus, I can’t officially work (you leave them to be fooling themselves! Yes I know I can’t leave the premises because lectures are from 8 to 4pm, BUT, for me, Chude, not to do any kind of work for more than one month? Tufia!); and after “The Future…” Awards (www.thefuturenigeria.com) I know I just have to have something like a blog, so my life won’t be like it’s on pause, after all the writing activity of the past few months.

The Limo dropping Ebuka and Phummy (Comperes) at the venue of the Awards ...



I think that’s what finally nailed it for me, especially knowing I had to end my Just Jisting column on the website upon the successful hosting of the magnificent event. That column was like my personal blog at the time (since the other directors of RedSTRAT were too busy to write) and I really enjoyed all the feedback that I got for even what I thought were the most boring pieces.


Me and the other Directors (They are also my best friends.)


Us, at the event ...(Thanks to our clothiers!)


So I toyed with starting a column. In fact, I had actually started the discussions. But, believe me, columns are work: you have deadlines, and then you have editors breathing down your neck. And then you always have to have a point with columns, and sometimes I just want to be pointless! Added to the fact that, with blogs, you can decide not to write when you have nothing to write and no one bugs you! Plus there is no editor to cut off some of the things that you really wanted people to read! And of course there is the added advantage of not needing to be on the right side of English grammar, especially as concerns punctuations!

So I finally made the decision. But trust me, I had to make it even harder for myself, so I began to search for a blog that would have passwords, so that only my friends would be able to have access into it. I found something like that, but the wahala was too much. Don’t blame me, I had to be assure my serious-minded alter ego that I tried. Not finding what I was looking for, I’m sure you’ve guessed, slowed me down.

I finally made the decision some days ago, when I was chatting online with two of my former best pals. Even though this is supposed to be a diary, I can’t reveal the conversation we had, dear diary, but suffice it to say we finally convinced ourselves to create blogs and so we did!

Fact: human beings are basically suicidal. Because, very coincidentally, the day I finally decided to create this blog, of all days, that was the same day Tyra Banks (sometimes I love that show, sometimes I want to scratch her eyes out!) had a woman on her show who was fired from her job for saying too much on her blog! (She also revealed that 80,000 new blogs are opened everyday.)

Was God trying to send me a message? I d-o-n-t think so. Because I didn’t listen. And I usually listen to God. So this wasn’t God. I had already made up my mind. And you know… maybe if it were Oprah, I would have convinced myself it was a divine message. But Trya? Tyra of the plastic smiles and too much make up?

So, very quickly, I went and opened the blog. I didn’t put anything on it for like three days. Until now. But at least I knew I’d opened it!

Well, here’s the blog people! Will it be worth all that wahala and mind twisting? Your guess really is as good as mine. But for whatever its worth, here it is. I have joined the mad crowd! I am a blogger! I have succumbed to the temptation to listen my own voice! I am NO different from the rest of the exhibitionist generation! Hip Hip Hurray!

Like I said, I do not know if it will turn out such a good idea, so I will stuck with what I know. I know for instance that I am sticking with my name for the blog for the simple reason that, it will consistently remind me that my cover is blown, and so I will have to be careful with my BIG MOUTH!


Big Mouth! (at one of our Rubbing Minds events)


I also know that I will try to be as unpretentious as is possible in a society that idolizes the pretentious. I know too that I will have as much fun as can be possible doing this. I won’t say I will be ‘true to myself’ (abeeegi! how many of us are even true to ourselves when we are alone with ourself on our beds?!), I will only promise to be.

So, amongst other things, the few people who know me, but don’t really know me will find that I am NOT a one-dimensional ‘serious-minded’ person. Therefore, alcohol and strip clubs and all night partying might not be my thing, but I assure you that girls and dancing, loud music and SENSELESS noisemaking would turn out a huge part of what would qualify as ‘my thing’.

So let’s see how this goes eh? Oh and by the way I’m one of those weird people who actually welcome negative comments and both constructive and un-constructive criticism. So, don’t pull your punches! Welcome to my blog.